Ok, so I've been trying to find a way to change my name, and I couldn't. It's been like almost thrre months since Christopher and i broke up and I'm really getting tired of this name. So I made a new account. My new site is 

www.xanga.com/staceybutyoucancallmewonderful

I won't be using this one anymore so you can reach me there....thanks!! Bye Guys!!

So, I really need to change my name on this thing...Crazy bout chris doesn't fit my life anymore. So if anyone knows how to, let me know. Christopher and I are def. over for good. I'm ok with this too, actually thankful for it I think.

Ok, so I have hit an ultimate low you guys. I need to straighten up, but can find it in myself to straighten up. I don't know what to do. I really honestly wish sometimes with all my heart that I could be back in the WOLBI bubble (oh speaking of WOL, I saw Darryl Wed night at my church. He looks really good too :) most everyone at WOL knew I had a thing for him, and it was such a shock to see him again. He came with Brandon Arnold. It was so neat to see him and Brandon of course I used to seeing Brandon, him and I grew up together. You know after seein Darryl, I don't even know if I'm spellin his name right, anyway what I was saying is that I remembered back to bein at WOL, I remembered how much the guys loved the Lord and wanted to serve Him. I couldn't help but think where all those guys are now? Why is so impossible for me to find a guy who loves the Lord with all his heart and only wants to serve Him. I need someone like that in my lfie, but it's impossible for me to find someone like that. Maybe I'm not ready for a guy like that, maybe I would end up bringing him down. Is that the reason, I don't think so. I just need positive influences in my life. A great godly man would be so great. I'm ok being single, but I really want that guy that we can talk about anything, grow closer together as we grow closer to God, someone who will lift me up and encourage me, someone that I can totally love and pour all of myself into...where is he? Why can't God go ahead and bring him into my life?) ...I was so homesick there, but yet still that's what I almost desire. To be back where everyone is learning and growing. It's like there it was so easy to be in love with the Lrod and show it to everyone you meet. I've talked bout this before, but it's really heavy on my heart right now. I'm in a rut and can't get out. I don't have enough strength and encouragement here to get me on the right path. I'm trying to think of what I can do, where to go, who to be around...but nothing is coming together. It's like my friends that are christians are pulling me right down, and then I tell myself if they can live like this and be saved then so can I. I know that I'm not living a right life, but I'm so drawn to things of the world. And then I think, maybe it's all that bad, but then I think, yeah it totally is. I don't know....I'm lost. Things need to change in my life, but sometimes it's so hard to get them to.

So I got this off of myspace It's one of my blogs on there...thought I'd go ahead and post here on xanga too....

read this....it's more of my random thoughts
Current mood: enthralled
Category: Romance and Relationships

So, it's seems that a lot of my blogs are about love or something around there. I'm a hopeless romantic. Sometimes I think that maybe I am more in love with love than really being in love...make sense? I can't wait until I meet that one person that I know God has planned out just for me. I think I'll make him a shirt that says "Just for Stacey". It's so weird to think of the different people you have dated...and try and figure out why that person wasn't the one. Like, was there something wrong with him, or was it me, or was it us together was where the problem was. I often find myself daydreaming about who I will marry. I'm nineteen, I know I'm still young, but at the same time I wanted to get married when I was seventeen. I try and tell myself that I have plenty of time, but that's where my problem is. We are always told we don't know when our time is to go. The one thing I desire most in life is to be loved and to love. I want to make the ultimate comittment to someone and knows that he loves me and trust me enough to do the same. Now of course I'm not just going to marry to first random guy who asks, I want to make sure he is the one God has planned. But how do you ever really know. I have dated two guys in my lifetime and honestly believed (at the time we were dating) that we were going to get married. Especially with Christopher. I mean we were seriously getting engaged this Christmas, he had the ring and everyhthing!! Now I know that God has a plan, and I'm ok with the fact that him and I aren't together. I just wonder why God lets us fall in love just to find out that the one you love isn't the one for you. Why don't we just get a red flag in the beginning...but then when I think about it. I think of how many things that probably were flags, but I chose to forget them  -another thought-  It's so, well I can't think of the word, but it amazes me that God allows so much to happen in our lives. And if you think about it, we always learn the same thing in each lesson life brings us. At least for me the one thing that He always reveals to me is that He is all I need!! Yes, it's great to have a hand to hold on to and arms to be wrapped around us, but that doesn't even come close to the warmth that our Father can give us. Here lately I have felt so deserted by Him, I was so mad and cold towards Him. I didn't want to pray or even go to church. Do you want to know how amazing He is, when I felt so low and all alone and almost turned against God, He still had so much grace. I mean He laid me on peoples hearts. I got three cards last week in the mail from people saying that they love me and that they are praying for me. Just like that, they randomly decided to send me a card...AMAZING!! God is so good. He knew I wanted love, and even though I wasn't loving Him, He gave melove! I don't deserve His kindness like that. He was showing and telling me that He is and always will be here for me!! Why? Like I just said, I was cold, had turned away from Him, and yet He still was so compassionate!! I can not comprehend this...this outstanding love from my Father. In spite of everythnig I do, He still cares and loves and forgives. hmmm I'm speechless now

Currently listening: Come Away with Me By Norah Jones Release date: By 26 February, 2002

There have been so many things going on in my life right now. I don't even know where to start. Christopher and I are still apart, and I honestly know that is God's will for me. I questioned his and I's relationship a lot while we were dating, and then one day it was like God dropped a bomb, a really huge bomb on us to show us what He wanted. I guess after you are so stuubborn, He has to do somethnig buig to get your attention.

Anyway, do ever feel like God has totally desserted you? I mean like He's completely  gone out of your life. That's how I'm feeling theses days. I have so much on my mind, and I'm lost. I don't know how everything that has happened to me in this past month has actually happened. I realize that it's not that God left me, but that I have left Him. I know how to get back close to Him, but yet I find myself almost not wanting to. Does this make any sense? I hate being alone, I'm so alone and lonely, but yet I don't want to run and embrace my heavenly Father who has His arms outstretched to me. Why? I almost wish I was back at WOL. Back to where it's the sool thing to be in love with the Lord. It's so much easier there to live for Him. Here in the real world people look down on you, or tease you. And it's like Satan knows exactly how to tempt you. He knows that I'm lonely, and he's putting all this attention from people I don't need it from right in front of me. It's so hard to say no. Pray for me. I have to go cause I'm at work. I don't want my bosses to come in and see me just typing away on this thing. Pray that I will wake up and give my life back to the Lord. Right now I'm so cold to Him. I'm so cold and I have locked out everyone. I need to be broken, but I'm so hard and so many walls around my heart. I don't know what to do.